How to talk to your children so they don’t fear the dentist

How to talk to your children so they don’t fear the dentist
By Dr. Stephanie DeFilippo


The definition of fear is to be afraid of something that is likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening. According to Peter Milgrom, DDS (WebMD), “twenty percent of people experience enough anxiety that they will go to the dentist only when absolutely necessary.” This neglect causes unnecessary pain and infection. When asked, most people would say that their fear of the dentist stems from a negative experience they had as a child. As a pediatric dentist, it is our goal for children to have positive experiences so they will not develop this fear. Without realizing, or intending, parents can translate their own fear to their children.

Tips for how to talk to your children about the dentist:

• Talk positively about the dentist. Please don’t use words like shot, hurt, or pain. Instill in your child that the dentist is there to help them and not hurt them. Don’t threaten “going to the dentist” when your child is misbehaving.
• Take care of your own oral health. Be a good example for your child and brush and floss at home, as well as having your own checkups every 6-months. This will also keep you dentally healthy and avoid any pain, or discomfort.
• Let the dentist (or hygienist) explain what is going to happen during your child’s appointment. Give your child basic information about the visit and let the dentist and their crew use tell, show, do. Tell, show, do is a process that dental professionals use to ease children into the visit. We TELL them what we are going to do, SHOW them what we are going to do it with and then DO the procedure. A pediatric dentist works only with children; therefore, they use only “child friendly” terms for the dental tools. For example, we don’t call the hand piece used to clean a cavity a “drill.” We may call the hand piece “Mr. Whistle.”
• Please don’t share your negative experiences. We all want to be “honest” with our children, but this is not the time to share all of the bad things that have happened to you when you were their age. This will only put in their mind that the dentist hurt you and they will hurt them.

Bring your child to the dentist as early as possible (preferably age 1) and continue to come every 6-months for a professional cleaning and exam. When the proper steps are taken for prevention, your child will already have a healthy relationship with their dentist if or when they get a cavity, or other dental issue. Waiting until your child has a toothache to see the dentist is not the best game plan. The last thing we want is to have your child associate the dentist with pain. If your child has frequent check-ups, then they are less likely to have pain and infection.


Following these steps will start your child onto a happy and healthy dental journey that will take them into adulthood.


Stephanie DeFilippo, DDS, is a Diplomate of the American Board of Pediatric Dentistry, and a pediatric dentist and co-owner of Just Kids at Gettysburg Dental Associates.